![]() ![]() Totally wasted.” More leaves, more squares, more pies. “Austin, don’t you get it? We’re wasting our lives, man. If you think positive thoughts then more positive thoughts will come, and then from those more positive. “Stop focusing on the negative thoughts, and try to think positive. “Hey, hey… relax, it’s going to be fine.” He was speaking softly. My clothes covered in dirt, “What the fuck are we doing?”Įverything that once felt important now felt silly and meaningless. “What are we doing, man?” My knotty hair was pulled back into a ponytail and tucked under the collar of my black coat. Sobriety may as well have been a lost dream, a hopeless moment that passed and would never return, like accidentally recording over an important home movie with something trivial.Īustin appeared beside me, squatting sympathetically, eyes kaleidoscopic: “Mark, you need to get up. It would take another six hours for my body to metabolize my brain out of its chemical prison, another 24 before I felt physically “normal” again. ![]() These weighed on my mind with an unbearable gravity - a force that crushed the feeble psychological scaffolding my 18-year-old psyche had duct-taped together. Reality set in: that I spent my night rolling around a drainage ditch that a pedestrian had hours earlier mistaken me for a homeless man that I was a semester from graduating high school and hadn’t bothered to apply to any colleges yet. Idle pieces of trash pierced my field of vision as if spotlights shone on them. But recently everything had shrunk and darkened, a visual plague cast upon a plot of land sucking all the vibrancy. Hours earlier this creek had shone like the grandest vistas of Yosemite, with frothing embankments and towering trunks, an endless maze of living nature. ![]() I’d been there for what seemed like days, in a dirty creek bed on the side of a road. I sat on the ground, tearing leaves, tearing leaves, tearing leaves, into two, three, six equiangular pieces, from the apex of each ridge down to the stem, like the pie pieces in Trivial Pursuit.ĭirt on my feet. ![]()
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